“Okay I lied to Grace of course I’m not a Christian but—,” as soon as I heard this I couldn’t hear anymore.
I ran as hard as I could down the hallway and out the doors. I took a taxi all the way to Chicago; I just needed to get away. My heart cracked today and I don’t even remember where I left the pieces. How could he do this to me? He said he loved me and I believed him. He said he wanted to be with me forever and I believed that too. I don’t know where I am or how long I’ll be here all I know is that I never want to go back. I don’t think I could stand it. How does someone deal with this? I began to question my faith. Why, God? Why? I knew God wasn’t to blame but it was all I could do to vent. There was no one left anymore. Because every time I put my trust in someone this is what happens, I’m left all alone out in the cold. No, Jake didn’t leave me here but he made it so that I can go anywhere but back home. I always heard that the will of God will never take you where the grace of God won’t protect you. Why would God bring him to me if he knew this would happen? I started to think about what I had heard again. I broke down in tears once more.
“Grace! What in the world are you doing it’s freezing cold and,”
I turned around to find Jake pausing as soon as he saw my face. “What’s wrong?”
“You can cut the act, I know now?” I could tell he was about to ask what but I interrupted.
“You didn’t have to lie to me, Jake, if you didn't like me all you had to do was say so, but no! You had to put on this big act!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I love you I’ve told you that, you know that, you know I love you, Grace.” How could he lie straight to my face!?
“Yea you also mentioned something about being a Christian, but I guess we can’t all be truth-tellers.”
“What do you mean by that?” he knew exactly what I meant.
I wasn’t the kind of person to be mean or rude about this even if he did lie to me. I just wanted him to leave.
“You know, you’re a good guy, Jake, and I’m sure there is a pretty girl out there just waiting for you. So why don’t you go find her.” That was the nicest way I knew how to put it.
“I don’t have to because you’re right here.”
“Please go now.” I was crying again by this time.
“Don’t do this to me.” He begged, he was crying now too.
“I’m only doing this to protect what I believe in. Jake, I love you and I always will. Please don’t forget what we talked about, don’t lose what faith you gained while we were together. But you betrayed me, and I can’t deal with that. Please leave.” I pleaded once again.
I don’t care what Jake did for the rest of his life I just didn't want our breakup to effect the trust in God he had gained while we were together.
He was speechless. He was sobbing now, tears poured down his face as well as mine. I’d never seen him cry before; he usually wasn’t a very emotional guy. I stood up and walked away, I couldn’t stand to see him like that. He wasn’t going after me which was a good thing I guess but it hurt too much to look back so I stared straight ahead a walked into a whole new beginning; a world of loneliness.
2 years later
I saw him today, I didn't really know what to say but I knew the mature thing to do.
“Hey” I said to him smiling.
“Hi,” he replied blandly.
“How are you? It’s been so long.” I realized how dumb that sounded after I said it.
Of course it’s been so long, we meant for it to be that way.
“I’m uh,” someone called his name.
What a relief for him, I guess. “I gotta go.”
“Um okay bye.” That was it and then he was gone.
I can't believe this. I can't believe that we can just walk right past each other and not even acknowledge each other, or that we can't even look each other in the eye because we are so scared that the memories of heartaches and lonesomeness will come flooding back. It’s unbelievable. I don’t know about him but for me those memories never left. Two years later and I’m still hurting. I’ve been on one date in the past five years and even then I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Sometimes I think it’s the stupidest thing I ever did; breaking up with him. Back then it was like everything inside me was telling me he had to go but now it’s like there’s no telling how much longer I can go on without him. This went on for months.
