I hardly knew where anything was in this grocery store but I knew where the band-aids were due to my clumsiness. This guy was extremely handsome and polite. He reminded me so much of… I couldn’t even think it.
“Yea, sure, there right down that aisle,” I said pointing out the band-aid aisle.
He gave me another one of those familiar smiles and went on his way. I smiled back. As soon as he grabbed the band-aids he came back up to me.
“I just wanted to say thank you, so um would you like to go out sometime you know, like on a date? Dinner and a movie?”
“A date? I don’t know uh…”
“Alex.”
“Yea, I don’t think a date is a good idea, Alex. Don’t get me wrong! You seem like a really nice guy but I just got out of a long relationship and I just don’t know.”
“Oh, when?”
“Oh, um, around two years ago,” he raised his eyebrows.
“I know that’s a long time but…”
“Don’t stress, I get it. He must have been pretty special. I know how that is, but if you spend your life wallowing about the past, you’ll miss out on some great things in your future.
Like Philippians 3:13 says “…forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” He began to retrieve back to the aisles.
“Wait!” I yelled to him.
“That verse?”
“What about it?”
“It’s from the bible.”
“Nothing gets by you!” Wow, so he’s a Christian. As soon as I heard that I got a feeling inside me just like the feeling I got when I was on my first date with Jake, except this time it was stronger.
“That’s really cool. Now about that date.” This could be good.
And the best part: I wasn’t even thinking about the loser who broke my heart.
5 years later
“Please don’t do this to me, Alex please don’t go,” the tears stung my eyes but I couldn’t even feel them.
There was a darker, scarier feeling inside me that conquered every pain I have ever been through. As Alex was lying there, dying from this horrid disease, I couldn’t help but thinking: take me too God, if he’s got to go please take me too! I didn’t want to be in this world without him. We’ve been through so much together; we got married two years ago. We dated three years before that since we met in that grocery store. How could this happen? He was the greatest man I have ever met he was so good to me and faithful to the Lord. The tears continued to roll down my eyes like they had since three days ago when we found out how much longer Alex had left with us.
“I love you Grace, you know how much I love you right?” I just nodded my head, I moved my lips but the words just wouldn’t come out.
I never left that emergency room. The nurses brought my food with Alex’s even though he was passed out most the time. I never took my eyes off him except to sleep. People came and went. Family members, friends, friends of friends, and friends of family, all of them. It seemed to hit them all pretty hard as if they don’t usually deal with this kind of pain but it’s different for me. I have lost many loved ones in my lifetime and not all necessarily to death. Sometimes I don’t understand why it happens but I know God has a purpose. He always has and he always will. But this is something you can never get used to and the pain never lessens. Because it’s always hard to let go especially when you don’t expect it. Three months had passed since we got the news. That was it. It was over now. He would go anytime soon, to a better place but I couldn’t stand to watch him go. I cried again, now more than I have ever cried in my life. Because I knew it was all going to end in a matter of days, hours, maybe seconds. I held on to Alex with all I had left refusing to let him go, but he didn't ask. I couldn’t let go even if he did. I planned on staying that way for as long as I could. I’d hold him forever if I could.
The next day Alex died. More tears more pain more sleepless nights. More trying to tell myself not to worry, to be happy for him, but never convincing. I used to think it was only hard when I was young and it would be easier when I was older but here I was 25 years old and still stuck in the same painful endless cycle. I grieved for months people thought I had went into such a deep depression that I would never be the old me again. They were right I was never the same after that but the weird thing was instead of losing hope like most people do when they’ve been through what I have I gained more faith than ever before. I don’t know why but suddenly I realized that God is the only way out of this suffering. I thought about the verse Alex had said when we first met five years ago in the grocery store. I looked it up and read the whole thing aloud but only for me to hear.
“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead”
that verse was very special to me, actually it was the main reason Alex and I started dating. I miss him so much. Tears come once again, I didn't think I would have any left but I did. My cheeks burned from all the tears since everything had gone downhill. There were red streaks where that had flooded down my face. I was running out of food even though I barely ate anymore so I went to the grocery store. A different grocery store than the one where it all began. No, the one close to home, the one where it all ended.
